My Testimony

How I Was Born Again 

Raised Catholic, I definitely believed in God, and I even believed Jesus had died on the cross, although I thought maybe the Bible was “just a bunch of stories” to help us live life. I even knew most of the Bible stories – Adam and Eve, Noah’s Ark, Jonah and the Whale, and scores of others; I’d gone to Catechism for years, after all. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t had the urge to read the Bible from cover to cover, that I knew the accounts through classroom knowledge rather than reading about them myself. I knew about God. I knew the facts about Jesus, even though I’d never accepted Him as my Savior.

For the longest time I thought that was “good enough.” I went to college, got married, started a family. I still believed in God, but I had no desire to learn more about Him.

Well, finally, after over thirty years in this earthly realm, God opened my eyes. I have no doubt that my Lord orchestrated the situations leading to my salvation. Haven’t you ever heard the saying “God works in mysterious ways”?

Today we have two beautiful children (a girl and a boy), thank you, God! But, in June of 2002, I miscarried what would have been our second child. I went through a tough time physically and emotionally. I was depressed; I was tired; I felt sick; I was angry at the world. My only bright spot was my family – my husband and my wonderful daughter (then 3). I was recovering, but I didn’t feel very good much of the time.

In July 2002 I bought a new (although used) car so I’d have air-conditioning on my long drive to and from work. By God’s grace and design, that car ended up having a Christian radio station pre-programmed (101.5 WORD FM). During my extensive time in the car (a one to two hour drive each way to work), I started listening to programs such as Insight for Living, In Touch, Focus on the Family, and many others.

One day while listening to Chuck Swindoll during his Simple Faith series, a light bulb went off for me – not only over my head but in my heart and mind and soul. I KNEW. I knew the truth. I understood the way. I suddenly realized that all of those Bible “stories” were true and that, not only had Jesus been crucified – died on the cross and rose three days later – but that He had done so for ME because He loves me. Because He loves ALL of us. Despite our unworthiness, he loves us. I finally truly felt it, rather than just going through the motions. At that moment, I was born again.

Ever since, I have had an intense hunger for God’s Word. I knew many of the Bible stories from when I was a child, but I hadn’t read the Bible much on my own. Now I couldn’t get enough! Not only did I read the Word, I listened to Bible tapes on my way to and from work. I started to really understand what “Fill my cup, Lord” meant because that was exactly how I felt. I was insatiable. I also started praying, although it was new to me to just “talk” to God.

I also found a nice small church, where I felt at home and met some wonderful friends. (Unfortunately, there have been many changes, and I am now looking for a new church “home” while attending a few churches where friends and family belong.) But that little church helped me as a new Christian. It helped me learn about fellowship, and it led me to get involved (I helped teach Sunday school and attended weekly Bible studies and helped at various church events, like spaghetti dinners and a small Vacation Bible School). God has blessed me as I continue to seek Him.

It has not, however, been a smooth road. Far from it. At the time I first became born again, I was still recovering from losing the baby, plus I ended up having a tonsillectomy in the fall, and I was extremely busy at work. I was also trying to do some writing on my own (mainly romance novels at the time). I had so much on my plate that I started reading the Bible a little less and a little less… started to pray a little less. At one point, the only time I really ever prayed was in the car as I drove to work. I was still trying to live a prayerful life, thinking of God in everything I did, and talking to Him throughout the day. But I failed to realize the significance of daily prayer, having quiet time to deepen my relationship with the Lord.

After a second miscarriage the following year (July 2003) and a few weeks of intense headaches and depression, my prayer life greatly intensified again, and my relationship with Jesus started deepening every day. How sad that it took another tragedy for me to pray more fervently and grow closer to my Lord and Savior. Yet, I rejoice in the grace and love God shows me, in my relationship with Him, and in the lessons I am learning. God brought me to my lowest point in order to bring me back to Him. I know my two babies are with our Heavenly Father in a beautiful place and that we will see them again someday. I thank the Lord for so many blessings (in particular my daughter Jessica, who we had had in June 1999, and my son Andrew who we finally had in July 2004).

After our trials of two miscarriages over two years, God brought a second blessing into our lives, our son. One girl and one boy. God planned our family His way, and I am eternally grateful for our wonderful children. I know I will see my other babies someday. God wanted them to be with Him, and there is no better place for them. Our sadness here on earth is not grounded in full understanding, but someday I will understand God’s reasons for everything.

My most heartfelt prayer is that I and my family grow closer to God every day. I try to trust in God with everything I do. It’s still not easy. I am human, and I still find myself slipping into sin and needing to repent. Sometimes I find myself worrying instead of giving my cares to God and trusting in Him to provide. I feel that I don’t always set a good Christian example for my husband, who is not yet saved, or for my children. I sometimes fall into arguing with my husband over silly things. Yet, Jesus is always there, helping me pick myself back up again, showing me the way, loving me through all of my faults. Guiding me to do the right thing.

When I think back, I am certain that the Lord led me to buy that car, as opposed to another I was considering. My mother-in-law had been preaching to us for months, which I believe “softened” me up. Listening to Insight for Living and In Touch and other radio programs finally did the trick. The messages reached deep into my heart and tugged on something I hadn’t even known existed, something I am convinced is inside all of us (put there by God) just waiting to be awakened at the right time (God’s time, if we let Him). I finally know and love Jesus Christ, and I never want to go back. I can’t live without Him. I can’t die without Him. I can’t BE without Him.

God continues to work in my life and in the lives of my family and friends. Life is not easy, but I continue to trust in Jesus to guide me. My children are learning about God, I am reading the Bible much more. Please pray for my husband as he searches for spiritual answers in his life. I pray that he can find the joy and comfort and everlasting life of Jesus.

Jesus Christ is my savior, my friend, my life. I thank God for blessing me with a wonderful family, close friends, and a good life. But, most of all, I thank God the Father for the gift of His son, Jesus Christ, for showing me the way and the light and the truth. For loving me enough to die for my sins.

I am living proof that God can turn people around to the truth. As the song goes, OPEN MY EYES, LORD, I WANT TO SEE JESUS…

I can do ALL things through Christ!!!!! We all can if we simply trust in Him.

And so life continues… And, through my hardships, I rejoice in the Lord. Through the good and the bad, I know He loves me.

This is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!